Died once more

~ santoshwriter

Written for Friday Fictioneers!

****

He lived to die three times.

Once at the age of five. They made him watch his mother turn into ashes only to hand him the urn. His tiny little hand could barely hold it.

Then at the age of seven when he buried his father next to his mom.

At 29, fully grown and matured, he pumped his two-years-old’s heart like crazy, his wife exploding in tears by his side.

Then he died once more.

***Photo Prompt***

J Hardy Carroll
(C) J Hardy Carroll

31 thoughts on “Died once more”

  4. Very emotional. Well done. No real critique.
    I use “!” way too much, always, especially when commenting. Horrible habit I’ve been called on more than once. That and the use of ‘awesome’ – oh those bad habits.
    Sorry, was just trying to add levity – such sadness in 100 words.

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  8. A beautiful and moving story. C- I think it should be ‘two-year-old’s’ unless there are Am/Brit variations I’m not aware of. Not a native speaker either.

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  11. This is a powerful take on this photo. The C in me would rather see a period in that very last sentence, rather than an exclamation point. “Then he died once more.” To me, this is the end, the most profound, the solemn conclusion. I belong to the exclamatory club – I use exclamation points too much. But for me, they are somewhat joyful. This is a solemn surprise at the end. For me (perhaps not for others), I’d rather have the period at the end. When I read the story aloud, my voice is solemn at the end. Just a thought and my perspective.

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    1. Your comment is highly appreciated Lillian! I know I also tend to use “!” more than I should :-P. I totally agree with you and have chosen to remove “!” from the last sentence!

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      2. Avoid using “!” at all costs. Your words and phrasing should provide all the emphasis the reader needs. Anything more than one exclamation mark every few pages is too many 🙂

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  12. I loved this story – the sadness and the strength of this man who has seen so much death. The last line, however, felt a bit out of place with the rest. I think you could dig a bit deeper to find something really poignant…. “There was nothing left to die,” or something, I don’t know. “Then he died once more!” just didn’t deliver the emotional punch the rest of the story built toward.

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    1. Dear Rochelle,
      Thank you very much for stopping by! Research simply drains my brain, and when I get some free time i try not to think :-). It’s nice to be back and find out that I am not forgotten!

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