Death’s army


Written for  Friday Fictioneers fiction. If you do read it, please let me know how I could have improved it and what you liked about it! What would be the matching title? Thanks 🙂

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“In the end, death visits everyone.”

Never before did Hammond want to live as much as he did then. When death finally opened its arms for him, he lived the same emotions as those, who he cruelly murdered.

The muzzle of the gun pressed on his temple felt cold as snow. He stared helplessly at the quill on the table.

I seek no revenge, Hammond.” – The man’s voice was painfully calm. His fingers pulled the trigger without any hesitation.

The man checked Hammond’s drawers and took the contact list with him.

The night was young. And his job had just begun.

**********Photo Prompt*******

© Jane Wayne Fields
© Jane Wayne Fields
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17 thoughts on “Death’s army

  1. Dear SW – Well, I’m not going to spend anytime worrying about his soul – he evidently deserves it, but I wonder who murdered Hammond. This is an awesome take on this picture prompt! Very, very well done! Nan 🙂

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      1. Embarrassingly I will confess to “checking his drawers” made me think of checking his underpants.
        I know..I am sorry..I told you it was immature….hangs her head and goes to her corner.

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      2. oh! well..Had no clue that the sentence could also be understood that way! 🙂 There is no need to feel embarrassed, we all understand a novel/story/poem or whatever..in our own way.

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  2. Santosh, This looks like a bunch of hired killers finishing each other off. This piece stood well alone, but would also make a good beginning for a longer story. Well written. 🙂 —Susan

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  3. I concur with Claire on the POV issue – it did bring me up short but only because I’ve encountered the same difficulty myself in shorter pieces and had it pointed out to me. I’d probably be relaxed about it if that hadn’t been the case. 😉 Nice piece, Hammond was despatched in a cold-blooded manner, as befits a cold-blooded killer.

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  4. A really sinister tone to this piece, a nice chill. My one comment (since you asked) would be about the point of view. We’re deep inside Hammond’s head when it starts, which is great, but then our protagonist is killed, we instantly step outside it and carry on, inside the man’s head. That’s quite a jump for the reader. But those kind of things are difficult with only 100 words. I still really liked it.
    Claire

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    1. Thank you so much for commenting Claire. I definitely agree that the flow of the story is quite fast. Like you pointed out, it’s hard to get into many things with 100 words :-). But your suggestion will be on my mind when i am working on longer pieces. Thank you so much again!

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